Practice Empathy for a Better World

Whether it's building new friendships, networking, or connecting with your community, empathy is a valuable skill. Why not use the New Year as an opportunity to become a more empathetic person? Recent research by the American Psychological Association indicated people avoid empathy for others, even when it isn’t financially costly or emotionally draining.

“There is a common assumption that people stifle feelings of empathy because they could be depressing or costly, such as making donations to charity [...] However, people primarily don't want to make the mental effort to feel empathy toward others, even when it involves feeling positive emotions."

– C. Daryl Cameron, PhD., lead researcher 

Participants of the research study gave a reason of “not being good at it” as one reason they did not chose to show empathy for others. However, the study found that people who were told they were good at showing empathy were more likely to engage in it.

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is empathetic by nature. Many people have to actively work on empathizing with others in their day to day lives. Here are some recommendations that I've found helpful in my own life:

Building Your Empathy Muscle

It is great to know that even if you were not born with it that you can build your empathy muscle. We can grow our empathy according to Jamil Zaki, Ph.D., who discusses that empathy is something like a muscle that if practiced can be strengthened in his book. The War For Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World, he shows through practices like compassion meditation, diverse friendships, and even reading fiction can grow empathy.

Tips To Practice Empathy

• Diversify your social connections: Talk to new people and ask a question about them (e.g. “what motivates you?” or “What do you do in a typical day?)
• Actively listen to others without reaching for or looking at your phone for the duration of the conversation.
• Reflect back what you hear people say by paraphrasing what they said to make sure they know they are heard.
• Volunteer for a project you believe in (e.g. church committee or community group).

Benefits of practicing empathy

• Increased the chance of building social connections because of someone understanding what someone else is feeling and thinking leading to increased trust
• Increased ability to adapt your behavior to the other person’s behavior and feelings
• Reduction of stress and increased personal growth

Empathy isn't doled out to us in a fixed quantity at birth.  The important thing to remember is that we can improve the use of the skill over time; in fact, it gets stronger every time we use it. Even the belief that empathy is a skill that can be built is associated with positive behavioral changes and better treatment of others. Have hope that it is something you can improve, as this may pave the way for new connections in the year ahead. Even small changes are not only impacting people in your immediate world, but society at large.