Boys need friends too!  Be their guide on the side

The Unique Challenges that Boys Face When Making Friends

Sociologists are  concerned about the decrease in face-to-face time among  kids, with the increased interest in technology, and the long term impact on society. Boys and girls both spend lots of time on social media and less time hanging out with each other, but boys are more often left with less friends than girls in the long run.  it is easier for girls to find friends to connect with than boys.  Boys, starting in late elementary school, find it hard to make friends and often don’t know how to join into existing groups.  If they do know how to join in groups they often don’t know how to connect on a closer level to make lasting friendships.  Boys often feel awkward and are afraid of being labeled as weird or gay for asking if they can be friends or hang out with someone they  like or have something in common with. Whereas girls often seem to have a natural ability to join in with others and form bonds giving them a easier path to friendship. 

Boys start off with friends in early childhood and seem to move away from these bonds somewhere in upper elementary school   By the time boys become aware of how others see them, around the 4th grade, boys are learning the stereotypes of being a male and the importance of not showing emotions.  On the flip side,  girls are encouraged to build bond with others and often grow in the quality of their bonds with peers as they grow.   Boys are left to themselves to figure the disconnect of not having friends out and will often pass rather than go through the fear of rejection or worse being teased by others.  But this can cause them to  into  self-isolation and leading to loneliness and problems in later in life.    

What Can I Do As A Parent to Help?

Parents can’t make their children be accepted by others or make friends, but they can become aware of the challenges and encourage social growth in their boys along the way.   Here are some simple tips to think about to encourage social growth in boys:

1. Do check-ins and ask how they are doing with getting along with others  and remind them that it is important to work at connecting with their peers.
2. Encourage participation  in social events connected to school or other civic organizations in your community even if you think they are not interested.
3. Follow your child’s lead in enrolling them in whatever they are interested in doing which will allow them to meet other peers  who have similar interests
4. Know it is developmentally appropriate for your child to pull away from parents  as they grow through their teen years reducing communication with you and increasing interest in connecting with their peer group.
5. Don’t be afraid of your child expressing emotion about any topic relating to their attempts of making friends out of fear they may be Gay   Realize  all boys need friends even though they may not show it so their interest in friends is natural.  Also, know that regardless of your child's sexuality it is important to support their efforts to be who they are.   
6. Positively reinforce your child for being open with their feelings and sharing with you.  However, if you are concerned about your child's emotional state do not hesitate to have them talk to a licensed mental health counselor to give them support and guidance as well as yourself.

Making friends can take a while, but it is important to talk about what is going on with your child and help them navigate the process of building social connections. Following these tips will let them know making friends is a journey worth taking and that you will be their guide on the side along the way..